Thursday, February 18, 2010

A day of reflection

I am going to try to get my thoughts down into words here, so don't judge me. I am definitely not a writer. I just think I will feel better by getting some of this out.

On this gestational day during my last pregnancy, 22 weeks 2 days, the day started out wonderful. Blissful almost. We had just returned from Midland and our baby shower, we were going in to have an ultrasound and hopefully find out what we were having (girl or boy) and we were looking forward to going to see Wicked in Rochester the next night. This was June 5th 2008. During the ultrasound I was on pins and needles. My biggest concern at that very moment was whether or not the baby would cooperate... as 2 weeks before he decided he didn't want anyone know what he was for the shower. Never did it cross my mind that something could be out of place, let alone seriously wrong.

The ultrasound tech took her normal measurements and said she thinks it is a boy. Keith and I were so happy we barely noticed when she said she wanted to do some "extra" measurements with a different tool. After which we were ushered into a waiting conference room and told the doctor would be with us shortly. Which was strange, because they usually just make you go out to the waiting room. This was when we started to feel like something may be wrong...

All different thoughts started to go through our heads. It was almost 45 agonizing minutes before the doctor came in to "relieve" us. He informed us that the technician had found that my cervix was shortening and funneling and that I needed to be put in the hospital immediately. I would be on strict bedrest at the hospital through the weekend, then on Monday they would check me again and go from there.

I was rushed to the hospital. I think I was in shock. I couldn't process my emotions except to cry. I spent the next 4 days trying to figure out what was going on. I spent a lot of time researching and what I found scared the crap outta me. On Monday I was wheeled over to have another ultrasound and it was found that my cervix was even shorter and that I was staying in the hospital for a while. A resident with the worst bedside manner came in to check if I was dilating at all. She checked me and found that I was dilated to 1. She then proceeded to inform me that I would deliver within 48 hours and since my baby was not yet 24 weeks that there was nothing they would or could do to save him.

Oh I forgot to mention that over the weekend, I had a roomate at the hospital. She was 2 weeks ahead of me. One night, I believe it was Friday night, I was awoken at 3 am from her calling the nurses and saying that her water broke. The next few hours were a flurry of doctors, nurses and specialist in our room to verify her status. All I could do was sit behind my curtain in my bed and silently cry for her and hope that it didn't happen to me too. (I don't know what happened to her in the end. All I know is that when I left the hospital she was still holding in there)

So after my devastating news that was delivered Oh so tactfully, I was a mess. I was transferred to my own room, and immediately used our FF miles to have my mom flown out to be with me. I was kept in the hospital until I reached 24 weeks. I was given another ultrasound and was told that I was "staying the same" With little hope they sent me home to be on strict bedrest, sure I would be back sooner rather than later. Well against all odds, I kept my legs crossed and week after week my doctor was amazed that we were still holding on.

I am sure many of you have read/heard all this before. And I know that I was VERY lucky to have the outcome that I did. But see, that is what scares me. I was VERY lucky the first time. What are the odds of being that lucky 2 times? I know that this little girl has every shot to make it as far as Cameron, if not even farther, but in my heart I will still be paranoid every second until I can hold her safely in my arms. I know that I have many safety precautions in place this time that I did not last time, and that makes me feel somewhat better. I have a cerclage and I am getting weekly injections to stave off contractions. But I am still counting my milestones. Each week I am one more week closer to having her safe and sound. I am 22 weeks 2 days today. I will not have another ultrasound until Tuesday and I am paranoid that because I am not being checked this week that I am "missing" something.

I want to go to my u/s on Tuesday and have them tell me that I am still holding strong at over 3 cm. But I doubt it. I want to make it to March 2nd.... 24 weeks, and "viability" I want to make it to 28 weeks. In the end I want to make it to May 18th. That would be when Cameron was born. 35 weeks. I know I want a lot of things, but I do. This little girl deserves it.

I look at the little boy that came out of all of that stress and emotional rollercoaster of a pregnancy and know that it is worth it. I feel her kick inside me and know that I love her just as much as her big brother.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Valentines Day!

So I thought I would wish everyone a happy Valentines day and share some pictures.

First off, a Sunday morning tickle session with daddy! Our little bendy-boy. He likes to hang upside down..... Who knows....

Playing with fruit loops on the floor. What's the fun of keeping them in the cup?

And my belly at 21 weeks, Yuck...I feel huge!

This morning my husband surprised me with a very sweet Valentine's day card and a box of chocolates. Cameron took the chocolates from me, ran around with them for a bit, then brought them back over to me and said "La lou" which in Cameroni (his own language) means I love you! Isn't that sweet!?
Then this afternoon, Cameron's favorite stuffed animal, Kitty Kitty, was taking a bath (in the washer) and when we opened the washer we realized that Kitty Kitty needed emergency surgery. Her seam on her back had come open and a bunch of her fluff came out! She even lost her heart! (she is from Build a bear, if that makes any sense) Fortunately I was able to procure my long lost sewing kit from the garage. This thing had not been touched since I was probably 12 years old. I scavenged inside and found amongst the millions of pins, 1 single needle! Eureka! Cameron is of course distraught because I wont let him hug Kitty Kitty. We salvage the fluff from the washer, stuff her back up and I sew her up with all my lack of skill! Kitty kitty is alive and well, albeit with one nasty looking surgery scar.... Hey- I never said it was pretty! BUT I feel like super-mom for being able to avert disaster!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Can't I have a normal pregnancy???

So I went to the doctor's office today for my bi-weekly check up. Ultrasound was good, cervix is holding up well. (surprisingly)

So anyways, the midwife wanted to talk to me about something they found on my anatomy scan. Apparently a baby's umbilical cord is supposed to have 2 arteries and 1 vein running through it. But it seems our little girl has only 1 artery and 1 vein. Of course she would have to be different. The midwife said the most common complications associated with this are premature labor and/or low birth weight. It still freaks me out. I wish I had time to let it sink in so I could ask the 30 thousand questions that are running through my head right now...

So it looks like I am am just going to be paranoid for the next...oh 3 and a half months. Not that I'm not already, but just one more thing to add to my list.

Oh yeah, so also I have to have weekly 17p injections (in my gluteus maximus....) to stave off unwanted contractions. I started going in to the office and having a nurse do them, then the nurse taught Keith how to do it so we could do it at home. Well last week Keith did it no problem. Last night...well that was another story. He couldn't find the right spot and stuck me 3 times, each time resulting in me yelping and jumping away. The third time I ended up bawling hanging over the edge of the bed.... After that I said to give it up and have the nurse do it today. When I went in she looked at the spot he was using and said "No wonder it hurt..... There is a nerve there... its called the sciatic" Ahhhhh. That explains it.

And on top of all that, Cameron decided to wake up at 7am today, and wasnt able to get a nap before the appointment, so he was a little, ok a lot fussy at the office. He passed out in the car on the way home, but when I tried to lay him down he only slept for 45 minutes before waking up in an even crankier mood.

Enough of my wonderful day... When I get on the main computer tonight I will scan in the little girls pictures from today.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

20 weeks!

So our little girl is baking away so well. I can't believe we are already 20 weeks along! It seems like this pregnancy is going by so much faster than the last one! It is most likely because last time all I had to focus on was watching that darn clock tick the minutes by so slowly. This time I have a little boy to entertain me. And entertain me he does! And everyone else around him.

So far the pregnancy is going as well as expected. My cervix length has been good so far, but I am closing in on the time frame that I was put in the hospital with Cameron so I am starting to get a little nervous. I was 22 weeks when that happened, and I will be 21 weeks on Tuesday. I am going in on Tuesday to have my cervix lenght checked again. My friend Amy (Cameron's godmother) is going to come with us to see the little girl wiggle around on ultrasound for the first time. I am keeping every little bit crossed that my cervix is still over 3cm. I would appreciate the same from anyone else.

Other than that I have been trying to take it as easy as possible to ensure my cervix holds for as long as possible. I have the pelvic pain and horrible back pain that I had last time. I am already walking around like a little old lady, and I still (hopefully) have at least 15 more weeks. I developed a cold on Wednesday so I am trying to avoid Cameron so as to not have him catch it. So far, so good.

Speaking of Cameron... He is like a weed! He is 17 months old as of yesterday. He is getting so grown-up. But he is still such a tiny little guy. In the last 2 weeks I have had one person ask me if he was 9 months old and another in complete disbelief that he is 17 months old because her 17 month old is 10 lbs heavier! He is talking up a storm. He says the normal Mama, dada, up, Hi, uh oh. But he is starting to pick up other things like doggie, thank you, bye bye, night night, ka-ka, hot, tickle tickle, and love you. He is interacting very well: he waves Hi and buh-bye, lifts his arms up when you change his shirt, nods yes when you ask him questions. He is blowing kisses and can show you his belly and head.

He is becoming very independant. He wants to do everything himself, whether it be feeding, dressing or taking a bath, HE wants to do it. But how can you say no to those big 'ol blue eyes!

We LOVE our boy and can't wait to meet our girl. AND just so everyone is clear NO names for the little princess will be discussed until AFTER she meets the world. Same as with Cameron.

This week when I get dressed for my Dr. appointment I will take a picture of my ever-growing belly. I will also post up some new pictures of my man on the run. Hope everyone is having a good weekend and enjoys their superbowl Sunday.